Angry Bees Against Nigerian Politicians

By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu

Angry bees of the wild are up in arms against the politicians of Nigeria, and the politicos are running helter-skelter for their dear lives.

Just the other day, on Saturday, May 5, a swarm of mysterious bees showed up in Kogi State to disrupt a rally of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC).

The APC supporters ran with speed that would astonish Usain Bolt of Jamaica in his heyday of world record-breaking in the sprint races.

Some long distance running was also undertaken by the politicians of Kogi being pursued by the relentless bees that swept aside the political rally at Ihima in Okehi Local Government Area of Kogi State.

The reality in Kogi State today is that one daily faces many risks, notably, being killed by the rat-a-tat of gunshots, or being captured by kidnappers, or being carried away by fierce floods, or being stung to death by deadly bees!

My biro, why is Kogi so blest?

But nobody should make the mistake that the bees are being partisan in only attacking stalwarts of the ruling APC Party, especially in Kogi State.  

Back in time, when the henchmen of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) held power, which they swore to hold for all of 60 years, bees did pay a visit to their headquarters at Wadata Plaza in Abuja.

It so happened that a ferocious swarm of bees took over Wadata Plaza situated at Wuse Zone 5 in Abuja, the original home of voodoo and ill-assorted witch-catchers.

The very wild and angry bees came in hordes to the PDP headquarters, like they did to the APC in Kogi, sending everybody running helter-skelter.

The bees were as mysterious and bewildering as the election results almost always forged by the politicians.

In the PDP instance of yore, the bees were so all-conquering that they also disrupted the Friday Jumaat prayers at the mosque by the side of Wadata Plaza, and then extended their tempestuous authority to other nearby buildings like Skye Bank, Nurul Bayan Private School and the Young Shall Grow bus terminal.

The PDP goons being stung by the irrepressible bees were loud in lamentation that the opposition APC then had manufactured the bees as a means of finishing off the then ruling party for good.

Let’s just say that change and next-level began with the invasion of bees on that noonday of anarchy, as between 1 and 5 PM the bees had a field day, stinging and buzzing.

Just as in the recent Kogi bee invasion, people were quick to come to the conclusion that those were not normal bees.

Have the bees come to change the change that they wrought?  

According to one of the core eyewitnesses of the uncanny spectacle, the bees must have been manufactured in a juju pot!

Following the attack of the bees, many of the attacked politicians had to roll on the ground with their fine attires.

Ladies on high heels ran as though running on stilts, while some others in their utter horror went completely naked.

It’s such a terrible matter when politicians in search of sweet honey end up being stung by bees.   

While undertaking the dialectical materialism of the magical feats of the APC and PDP bees, one bewhiskered Marxist scholar with scattered beards disclosed that the bees had a way of penetrating even bulletproof and air-conditioned cars at a revolutionary tangent.  

Many vehicles had to be abandoned on the road in the general melee even as the policemen around ran for their dear lives, pulling off their uniforms as they did so.

No mortal man born by a woman could render a helping hand because the fear was that the bees came with some kind of evil magic that would rebound on any helper.

Now I don’t want to dwell much on the voodoo tales on some of the bees turning into human beings and introducing themselves as representing the reincarnation of APC in PDP and back and forth!

I have to readily admit that nothing is impossible with our hardened politicians as they can fly overnight from Kogi to Abuja via Friday-to-Saturday time travel disguised as bees.

Can we even say that the stings dished out by the political bees in the past so many years of the so-called nascent democracy have come to a head in the very symbolic invasion in broad daylight of Kogi State by mysterious bees of damnation?

The question has to be asked in apocalyptic terminology thusly: Are these bees the precursors of end-time rapture?

When the question was put to a fire-eating pastor of occult holiness, he instantly went biblical, quoting from the Book of Revelations: “Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666.”

Now this idea of equating the bees’ invasion of APC and PDP with the end-time beast is beyond my ignorant fat head.

I am, as ever, an expert at ignorance.